I don’t write here nearly as often as I want to. Mostly, I think, because I feel like every piece of writing I put out there has to be extra super double plus plus well thought out, perfectly composed to withstand the fiercest criticisms of the internet thought police.
This is, of course, an impossible task. And why the fuck should *I* be holding myself to such standards of divine perfection anyway? Aren’t I allowed to wonder, to be conflicted and confused, to change my mind like any other human being does? So in this new year I’ve decided to start opening up on a more casual, personal level here.
Sadly the first thing I have to share is also a turning point, a much bigger one for my family: the passing this Xmas of my husband’s submissive Kate, whom we called boi.
(Quick rundown on my family for the uninitiated: I head a polyamorous matriarchy. Husband, also a dom, is my 2nd in command – think Tuvok to my Janeway. Our respective subs/slaves don’t currently live with us; our almost-grown teenage spawn & my elderly mum do.)
Boi died after a prolonged battle with kidney disease that was incredibly painful for those of us who cared for her to watch. And during these last 2-3 years, when she’d grown too ill to care for herself, we – my husband really – took care of her. So this holiday season has been suffused with the most peculiar blend of emotions, a state of inseparably simultaneous grief and relief.
Her funeral was this past Sunday. Which I guess marks the end of this chapter of our lives.