I want to talk today about the one thing every submissive craves, aches for, genuinely, truly, NEEDS…and that I completely understand because I share the fundamental experience that lies at the core of it.
No matter what the specifics of his fetish are, every subguy I have ever met longs to be understood. To be accepted for what he is. To just…have his place in the world. Even if that place is chained up in some dank basement, ignored until the next time Mistress wants to take him out & beat him. Every one of you wants a Woman with whom he can open up the little secret box he keeps all those dark longings, no matter HOW twisted and vile they are by “socially acceptable” standards, and reveal them in all their perverse glory, every last gruesome detail exposed for Her to see, to play with, to own. I think this is arguably the single most important need the submissive male has. Giving him this knowing, this understanding and (in a sense) loving acceptance of his darkest secrets is the most priceless gift the Domme bestows upon her slave. And it is something that truly grows deeper and more powerful for both parties over time.
Now why do I think *I* have such a special understanding of this? It’s because I too have a fetish that is radically socially unacceptable. And I do mean fetish in the clinical “cannot achieve sexual satisfaction without it” sense. My fetish is for rape fantasies; specifically fantasies in which I as the male aggressor brutally violate some poor helpless female. Mind you, I’m not at all unhappy being female in real life, and indeed I quite enjoy being girly – as you may have noticed from my photos! I just…have a little mental kink, and I’m not sexually content without it.
Now imagine being a strong, independent, intelligent, feminist, & activist-minded young woman who’s really very happy with her femme identity but who can’t get off without these sisterhood-betraying rape fantasies. And imagine how all her fellow ‘social justice warrior’ type friends might react if she ever tried to talk to them about her kink. I don’t know how much attention you pay to the news, but if you haven’t heard the phrases “rape culture” or “affirmative consent” you may have been living under a rock. So yeah, I pretty much spent the first decade or so of my sexual life feeling like a pariah of the highest order, as if my very thoughts and fantasies were infecting the world with evil.
And then I got over it. If I’m not actually DOING anything to or with unconsenting others, then the only people I’m ever really “hurting” are figments of my imagination. As a practicing domme I strive to learn the skills I need to play with reasonable safety before I lay a finger on another person’s body. And I strive to educate those submissives I take under my care on how to be safe themselves.
Nowadays it annoys the fuck out of me when these earnest social media activist types go around trying to make people feel ashamed for the porn they like, or the specific kink they’re into, because it “reinforces negative stereotypes”. OF COURSE porn plays on stereotypes. Stereotypes = archetypes, and that’s WHY porn pushes our erotic buttons. All these “activists” are really doing is SHAMING people, and sadly they have succeeded in passing laws that amount to censorship and meddling in the sex lives of others. But that’s enough of me on my soapbox. I’m really trying to avoid this kind of politics anymore; it’s bad for my mental health hehehe!
Back to my point: that my experience as a fellow fetishist, and one with a highly socially unacceptable fetish, makes me highly understanding of the submissive male’s vulnerability. He longs more than almost anything in the world to share those dark secrets, but it cannot be with just anyone. It has to be with HER, Ms. Right, the Woman he can TRUST.
I don’t know whether I may be that woman for you, who are out there right now reading this. But know that I understand your need.
– Goddess Opal