You’re probably familiar with the idea of hard limits as those lines you’re not willing to cross, activities you absolutely don’t want to do in a bdsm power exchange. But have you ever thought about hard limits including things you must have in your Mistress/slave relationship?
Hard limits as must-haves
Let’s face it, you wouldn’t be into this kinky stuff if you didn’t have fantasies and desires. And it’s very likely you have one or two fetishes you’d find it extremely tough to live without. It’s absolutely ok to consider those things when you’re looking for your dream Domme. It’s also ok to bring those things up when you’re negotiating a slave contract or slave training program with your Mistress.
Say there’s a certain fetish or type of play that’s deeply necessary to your sexual or emotional satisfaction. It’s not only ok but vital that you find a Domme who is happy to incorporate those things into your Mistress/slave relationship. Some common examples of these might be things like crossdressing or toilet training. If those things are a BIG DEAL for you then would you really ever be happy with a Domme who was turned off by them?
Mistress/slave relationship protocols
There are other, less obvious aspects of a Mistress/slave relationship which can also be very important. Level of contact is a good example; how often do you desire (or expect) to have contact with your Domme? Are you hoping for daily chats, or are play sessions once a month sufficient for you? Different expectations regarding level of contact is a very common source of dissatisfaction and conflict between Dommes & subs.
Likewise you may each desire a different level of protocol. If you’re the type of slave that longs for high protocol you will feel unsatisfied with a low protocol owner. A more egalitarian-minded sub might chafe miserably under high protocol demands. And unless you’ve given it some thought you might not even be aware of which kind of sub you are. It’s ok not to know! But that too should be communicated with your Domme, so she can understand what to expect from you. Which in this case would be your need/desire to experiment with different levels of protocol to figure out what works for you.
Practical needs in D/s
Another great example of ‘hard limit’ must haves in a Mistress/slave relationship is aftercare. And this includes aftercare for both physical and emotional aspects of a bdsm scene. You might need words of reassurance after the heavy humiliation scene you crave just as much as you would need your wounds tended after heavy physical play.
Last but certainly not least there are any number of practical ‘vanilla’ needs which might be a good idea to include in any slave training program or bdsm slave contract. Health needs for instance – are you diabetic? It’s entirely sensible to require that you be allowed to eat properly & regularly, and to make sure you take your insulin. Other material needs should be considered as well. For instance I require that my slaves make a financial contribution to me as part of their servitude. This is one of my personal ‘must-have’ hard limits. But I also require that he budget enough to pay for his own bills, including health insurance, retirement savings etc. Debt and bankruptcy may be fun to fantasize about but what good is a broke(n) tool that I can’t use any more? I prefer to take proper care of my tools so that they’ll be usable for a lifetime!