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Discipline in a Femdom lifestyle

What is discipline? Is it the same thing as punishment? Is it the same thing as structure? And how do I, as a responsible dominant, create an effective system of discipline?

Discipline and Leadership

Much has been said about the importance of discipline. But what is discipline exactly? Is it the same thing as structure, or as punishment? To me being a domme is about more than being bossy & abusive. Being an elite dominatrix means actually being a good leader, and that requires an understanding of the meaning & importance of discipline.

Discipline in this context has several facets. Discipline for me as the dominant is the applied force of my will in making sure my rules and orders are followed. Subguys, like pretty much all humans, need to be led. They need to have rules to follow and instructions for how to live. And it is my task, as his Goddess, his guide, and his leader to ensure that there are rules to follow, and that those rules are enforced somehow. Nobody is perfect; I do make mistakes and sometimes I too need down time from being the boss. But if I regularly fail to provide either structure or enforcement then my submissive, like an undisciplined child, will not grow in a positive direction. Nor will his behavior reflect well on me.

 

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So what’s the difference between discipline, structure, and punishment? I would say that structure and punishment are each part of discipline. Structure is the underlying system of rules and protocols which I, as the dominant, decide upon. Structure is the goals I set and the orders I give for how to reach those goals. And punishment – or enforcement – is the unpleasant consequences which will ensue if my commands are violated.

Discipline and Obedience

From the sub’s perspective discipline is self-discipline, the commitment he makes to obey my commands and his actions in following through. If this discipline equation is not balanced – if I’m putting more effort into creating & enforcing structure than he is into following it – then the Mistress/slave relationship will fall apart. And this is true whether our association is limited to a few hours of pay-for-play or whether you become my collared 24/7 submissive.

The topic of punishment deserves a whole post of its own.  But it should be clear that actual punishments – the negative consequences of violating my commands – are not supposed to be pleasurable.  Not even in that paradoxical “this hurts now but I am so gonna masturbate to it later!” way we work with in bdsm. I like to choose punishments that both fit the crime & put him in his place. Which doesn’t necessarily mean giving a spanking. I’m quite well aware that things like spankings might ultimately be more of a reward than a deterrent!

That said, I find that there is a place for what some have called “funishment”. In other words activities such as regular spankings, time spent in a cage, or being made to do housework in a maid’s uniform. Things that might be punishments in fantasy, but which are ultimately rewards and not deterrents. These things will certainly push his erotic buttons and keep him in the proper submissive headspace,. As a good leader I want to motivate my minions to give the best possible service. So I like to include these funishments as a regular part of my slave contracts.  Keeping him in that submissive headspace motivates him to do a much better job of serving me!

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service punishment protocols paradox lifestyle leadership femdom ethics enslavement Domme style discipline D/s bdsm

Are you in need of structure and discipline? Maybe even of punishment? That can be arranged!

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