Silk fetish scarf care & storage

Compared to latex, leather, or even rope silk scarves are very easy care fetish gear. They do need to be washed often; when used in bdsm play silk fetish scarves tend to be worn in places (and used in ways) that get them quite dirty. And for goodness sake if you have pretty silk scarves you certainly should use them! Objects which are so beautiful & sensually delightful deserve to be experienced.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life Random Bullshit Realtime Play Silk Domme  travel silk fetish silk bondage silk sex toys satin my fetish luxury kinky travel fetishes class bdsm gear bdsm

 

Washing & drying silk fetish scarves

Silk scarves should be washed by hand in lukewarm water using baby shampoo, Woolite, or other detergent formulated for delicate fabrics. They can be put in the washing machine on delicate. But odds are pretty high of the fabric getting snagged so I wouldn’t recommend it. If you decide to go that route a mesh lingerie bag will help minimize the risk of damage to your beautiful silk fetish scarves.

Swishing the scarf around in the soapy water for a few seconds should be enough to clean it. Then make sure you thoroughly rinse the scarf out in cool water. Next you can hang the scarf to dry in a well-ventilated area. Or you can roll it up in a towel to gently press excess water out of it. Don’t wring-dry your delicate silk scarves! When the scarf is dry (or nearly dry) finish by ironing right up to the rolled edge of the scarf (aka the roulette).

Storing scarves

High quality designer scarves can be stored folded in their original boxes, but why waste such beauty? Scarf display frames can be found or made to showcase them like any other artwork. Special scarf hangers are handy for keeping scarves organized & accessible, which helps if you like to actually wear them. (Or use them in the dungeon…) Larger scarves and saris can also be folded & stored on pants hangers. Stored on hangers like this scarves also make a lovely display in the closet or dressing room.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life Random Bullshit Realtime Play Silk Domme  travel silk fetish silk bondage silk sex toys satin my fetish luxury kinky travel fetishes class bdsm gear bdsm

 

Traveling with silk fetish scarves

Silk scarves are so lightweight and compact that they’re just about ideal for travel, both as fashion accessories and as bdsm gear. They take up very little space but it’s still good to keep them together. This will help you find the scarf you want when you want it, and also protect them from getting snagged on other things in your luggage.

You can keep a collection of scarves in a smaller bag, like a lingerie bag, inside your suitcase. Longer scarves can be laid out together and tied together in a simple thumb knot. For shorter scarves you can either choose one and tie it around the rest of the bunch, or gather them all into a bundle with the sturdiest (or cheapest) scarf on the outside tied into a bag.

Final thoughts: kinky scarf play

For many people seeing whips, ropes, or chains hung on the dungeon wall is a huge turn-on. Just imagine what racks full of scarves would look like! An opulent den of iniquity, waiting to lure you into the realm of perverse pleasures. For a silk fetishist like me this would be heaven.

As pretty (and sometimes valuable!) as they are you may be reluctant to ever do anything which might damage your silk scarves. But if you’re using them for bondage it’s still a good idea to keep bandage scissors nearby. In the event of an emergency your sub is more valuable than any scarf.

Got any scarf care tips? Share them in comments below!

BDSM Protocols 101

Protocols are part of the structure so necessary in a d/s relationship. They help each of us feel in our proper place. D/s protocols are also part of the fun! But what exactly is a protocol? Put simply, a protocol is a behavioral ritual, consciously designed & chosen to express or reinforce our respective roles in our Mistress/slave relationship.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service real protocols my fetish lifestyle findom financial domination femdom enslavement D/s contracts bdsm

 

Protocols belong in writing

If you have a bdsm slave contract you should certainly write your D/s protocols into it. I highly recommend writing them down even if you don’t have a contract. Most pro Dommes (both online and off) will have a statement of protocols somewhere. It might be called her ‘rules’ or something similar, but it will always tell you how she expects you to behave when you contact her, when you meet her, etc.

BDSM events often have their own protocols. These protocols are commonly noted on the invitation and often spelled out in more detail on any website, Facebook page etc associated with the event. When in doubt about the protocols of an event you wish to attend don’t hesitate to ask! Event organizers would much rather answer your questions & have everyone follow the required protocols.

Universal bdsm protocols

The bdsm community considers very few things to be universal protocols. These tend to be very basic and mainly involve issues of SAFETY and CONSENT. Just because someone is a sub doesn’t mean he’s my sub. And just because someone is a Domme doesn’t mean she’s your Domme. These two rules are perfect examples of truly universal protocols. Neither one of us should ever assume that we’ll automatically get attention/domination/submission/obedience from the other!

On a similar note you should never meddle with another Domme’s slave (i.e. property) without their permission. Which doesn’t obligate a Lady to do a background check to find out if a subguy belongs to another Mistress. Owned slaves will usually tell you straight up – they’re proud to be owned! And if he doesn’t mention it a simple question will do. Any slave who is truly owned won’t lie about it so he can play around with another Domina. Most Dommes will happily give permission for other folks to torment their slaves, so a truly loyal slave wouldn’t need to lie anyway. The subguys who do lie tend to be community sluts who like the feeling of being called slave but who have no deep loyalty to any one Mistress. They will flit from Domme to Domme and it makes no sense at all for a Mistress to waste her time/energy on protests; feeling betrayed by this is just silly.

Common but not universal

There are other protocols which aren’t universal but are quite common. These might include rules like ‘furniture is for Mistress; slaves sit on the floor’ and ‘slaves speak only when spoken to’. Forms of address – i.e. whether you should call her ‘Mistress’, ‘Goddess’, ‘Domina’ or whatever – are another very common D/s protocol. Making sure Mistress comes first is an extremely good example of a common protocol. This can apply to everything from serving her dinner before you eat to making sure she has her orgasms (or gets paid that cum tax) before you even think of cumming yourself. Obviously this is not an exhaustive list but you get the idea.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service real protocols my fetish lifestyle findom financial domination femdom enslavement D/s contracts bdsm

 

Less common bdsm protocols

Some good examples of less common protocols include things like the slave keeping his eyes down at all times or the notorious capitalization rule that gives rise to statements like “W/we went to the most amazing party last weekend.” The capitalization rule gets a lot of flack for awkward grammar, but it certainly works to keep a slave’s mind focused on his inferior status! More graceful examples of unusual D/s protocols include things like the slave eating his meals from a bowl on the floor or kissing his Mistress’s cup before handing it to her when he serves her a drink.

What is ‘high protocol’?

You may see ‘high protocol’ noted in event descriptions. Generally it means that the event rules require most or all of the protocols described here, plus any others the organizers care to include. Many of the most fun (and most elegant) events are high protocol. It gives all of us a chance to live the porn fetish fantasy even if we’d find such rules tiresome in regular life. ‘High protocol’ can also describe your own need for protocol. And if you’re the kind of slave that craves high protocol this certainly should be written in to any slave contract or training program you commit to.

Protocols require work for both parties. The Domme exerts herself in choosing, communicating & enforcing her protocols. And the submissive must work at following these rules for his behavior even if they’re arbitrary & uncomfortable. But D/s protocols are a big part of the structure of any Mistress/slave relationship. They help keep both parties in their respective headspace and are often a big part of the fun. For many slaves the idea of protocols they must follow is the very essence of slavery.

What are some protocols you love – or love fantasizing about?

Useful Male Slavery

A couple weeks ago I talked about setting up a slave training program in a consensual D/s relationship. It’s important to me that anyone I’m spending MY time and energy on should be contributing at least as much to my life as I’m contributing to theirs. Preferably more, this is a Mistress-slave relationship we’re talking about! I may enjoy guiding an eager pupil but it’s not terribly exciting for me to feel like I’m working harder for my slave than he is for me.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Realtime Play  slave training sissy maid service opportunity service real personal service maid service lifestyle findom femdom enslavement D/s chauffeur

The Usefulness Inventory

This is why usefulness is an absolute requirement for me. Any submissive I accept for training must actually be useful to me somehow. I take stock of my own life regularly so that I can have a clear idea of what my needs and desires are. But I like to give everyone a fair chance; I understand that a good servant may come to me not already possessing the skills I would wish him to have. The best sort of slave, in my view, is the one who is willing & able to apply himself to learning the things I want him to know.

To help me determine how a slave prospect might be useful to me I like to take a ‘usefulness inventory’. This is basically just a list of things he knows, things he can do, and resources he has that might be useful to me. The simplest and most reliable way any slave can make himself useful is, of course, with a financial contribution. But beyond that these are some things I might look for:

Household Help

House cleaning
Doing laundry, ironing
Sewing
Cooking
Pet care
Shopping for groceries, household stuff

Yard Work

Mowing grass, edging
Tree trimming
Tending flower or vegetable beds
Garden design
Garden installation

Home Repair

Plumbing
Carpentry – framing and/or furniture making
Painting
Minor a/c maintenance (such as cleaning filters)
Minor electrical (hanging a ceiling fan, changing an outlet)
Floor refinishing or installation
Major remodeling

Personal Service

Hair styling, cutting, & hair care
Shaving legs
Doing makeup
Shopping for clothes, makeup, etc

Chauffeur

Running errands
Driving me around
Driving my friends/family
Car repair, car maintenance
Auto detailing

Business skills

Photography
Graphic design
Copywriting
Social media posting & scheduling
Research (including comparison shopping)
Personal secretary: screening calls, answering emails
Trip planning, making reservations
Any industry-specific skills (eg insurance, real estate etc)

A lot of of these items can have a findom component. A grocery shopping slave is much more useful to me if HE pays for the groceries! And for many of them I look for professional quality skills. Which means someone who actually does it for a living, or someone who has a demonstrated record of excellence. Like for instance a subguy who belongs to a garden club and has won awards for horticulture is someone I might trust to design my new patio area. For some roles I’ll not accept anyone who’s not already qualified; for those applicants a ‘slave training program’ is about training him to do things precisely how I like them done. I am very picky!

Other times a candidate doesn’t come to me having that level of skill but he’s able to learn it. And I (we!) can really have fun teaching him what he needs to know. I’m a good teacher and I have a wickedly deviant mind; I like to make those slave training lessons, shall we say, interesting? *evilsmile*

Fill out your usefulness inventory and apply to be my slave here

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Realtime Play  slave training sissy maid service opportunity service real personal service maid service lifestyle findom femdom enslavement D/s chauffeur

A tribute to flip-flops

Those who get hot for high heels may have a hard time understanding the fetish for flip-flops. But if you take a closer look I think it’s easy to see why flip flop fans find them so exciting. Flip flops have some unique qualities that definitely inspire foot-sluts to drool.

Flip flops – official Florida footwear

It’s true! Flip flops are really Florida’s official state footwear. Our beachcomber lifestyle encourages wearing flip-flops and thong sandals pretty much everywhere. Including church, lol! We even have racks of ‘bridal flops’ in all the formal dress boutiques.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t understand that there are times & places where flip-flops are a no no. Any really classy Florida dame gets that. It says more about the vibe in Florida: so casual, laid back, & relaxed that flip flops really are acceptable at most times and places.

 

BBW Foot Fetish Random Bullshit  shoe sounds sandals foot worship foot fetish Florida Domme flip flops fetishes Domme style dirty feet dangling class beach Domme bbw feet bbw beach babe barefoot

The beauty of flip flops

I get why so many foot enthusiasts have a thing for flip flops. The way the thong thrusts between my toes, the way the straps cross the arch of my foot, can be very sexy looking. Perhaps especially for ladies like me with super high arches! The straps visually break up the bulk of the arch which can look overly massive rising from shoes like ballet flats. And the curved shape of the sole provides a lovely platform. A pretty backdrop for my bare soles and toes.

Flip flops sensuality

Flip flops are like thong panties for my feet. It’s wearing a shoe while my foot is still almost bare. Having the toes & soles exposed like that makes them irresistibly tempting. If you’re allowed close enough you might actually be able to touch them, right in the shoe.  Or even (bliss!) get your tongue right in there to lick and suck them, tasting the dirty sweat of my sexy feet.

But perhaps the most thrilling aspect to the flip flop fetishist is that sound they make.  The unmistakable soft thwick-thwack of someone walking in flip flops, or the sound of them being thwacked against a dangling foot. Flip flops are really conducive to dangling – they encourage foot-fiddling, and they slide off the foot so easily that many women dangle them quite unconsciously. But a foot Goddess like me will dangle them on purpose, knowing she’s mesmerizing & melting the minds of any nearby flip-flop fetishists. *wickedgrin*

 

BBW Foot Fetish Random Bullshit  shoe sounds sandals foot worship foot fetish Florida Domme flip flops fetishes Domme style dirty feet dangling class beach Domme bbw feet bbw beach babe barefoot

 

 

Do you have a flip flop fetish? Let’s talk about it!

 

Setting Up a Slave Training Program

As a Mistress and slave owner I always have goals for my servants. These goals will change over time. They are also tailored to the individual slave.  But I have a pretty methodical way of selecting my goals, prioritizing them, and breaking them down into manageable steps to create a slave training program. I believe this is important to get the best results from my efforts in training a slave.

BDSM slave training defined

In this context, slave training includes everything I as the Mistress wish my slave to learn in order to make him the best possible tool for me. A slave training program with me might be created & documented in several different ways, but they all share certain basics. My training programs are always part of a negotiated agreement. And they are always documented so that the slave-in-training can go back and refer to my instructions.

That last bit is important to me because I hate having to repeat myself over and over. If I’ve gone to the trouble of thinking through the job & putting my instructions in writing, even if that’s only in a quick email or text message, then I think you can go to the trouble of referring back to those instructions as needed. When a slave-prospect continually asks for my instructions to be repeated I tend to conclude he’s more interested in having my attention than in being useful to me.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slavery slave training service real goals financial domination enslavement D/s contracts bdsm

 

Assess his capabilities

But back to how I set up a slave training program: the first thing I do is to take an assessment of a potential slave’s current capabilities. I want to know all the skills and resources he has that might possibly be useful, even if I never choose to utilize those resources. I’ll make a list of ways he can be useful that includes everything from his ability to do household chores & yard work to his professional skills to how much of a financial contribution he can afford to make.

I might collect this information on a slave application. I might also collect it from conversation with the prospective slave. But I generally keep written notes on each submissive so that I too can easily refer back and refresh my memory. Modeling the behaviors I want my slaves to learn is also part of being a good leader!

Assess My desires

Two or three times a year I do inventories of my own needs & desires as well. That way I have a very clear idea of how a slave can actually be useful to me. A submissive might have lots of expertise, but that expertise may not be useful to me. When I’ve collected my information about a new slave prospect I can then match up his skills with my desires, see where he might be immediately useful, and see where he might learn to be useful in the future.

These assessments help me decide whether to accept a slave applicant for training at all. They also guide me in deciding what tasks and educational/training activities I will assign to him. As I said before I’ll always give written instructions, whether by text, email, or some other method. The act of thinking the task through then writing down exactly what I want & precisely how I want it done helps me to break things down into manageable steps. People in general deliver better results when they have clear instructions on how to do a thing. Submissive males certainly do!

Put it in writing

My written instructions on these tasks might stand alone, or they might form the basis for a negotiated slave contract. I like writing a full slave training contract because it allows me to go beyond the task at hand, creating a whole program of assignments and chores which complement each other to get the results I want from a sub. But many submissives aren’t ready or able to commit to a bdsm slave contract. With my method for setting up a slave training program I can guide him, mold him & make progress toward my goals anyway.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slavery slave training service real goals financial domination enslavement D/s contracts bdsm

 

Hey you. Yes, you. You could use some erotic slave training couldn’t you? Contact me now and start taking steps to make your fantasy a reality!

 

 

Playing Dress-up, Fetish Style

The power & pleasure of fetishwear

Fetishwear includes so much more than the obvious leather & latex. Corsets, shoes, bikinis, blue jeans, gas masks and medical uniforms; all these and more have inspired legions of fetish fashion fans. Really any clothing that people can have a fetish for has the potential for becoming “fetishwear”. Which therefore includes everything! However there are some types of clothing which are more likely to inspire erotic obsessions. Whatever your fashion fetish is, adding costume to a bdsm scene can really take the sensual intensity to the next level. Playing kinky dress-up is something I love to include in my kinky play.

What makes playing dress up fun?

Dressing for sex is fun for a lot of reasons. (Even when you’re working with a very specialized definition of sex. *wickedgrin*) It simply feels good to wear certain fabrics. My favorite silk and fur are splendid examples of textiles that are thrilling to touch. Certain items of clothing such as stockings, panties & petticoats are also great sources of sensual pleasure. The way they fit, the sounds they make, the way the fabric hugs certain parts of the body, can be very arousing indeed.

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Random Bullshit Silk Domme  uniform textileophile stockings sissy maid silk fetish silk sensual domination satin panties maid's uniform luxury kink gloves fur flip flops fetishwear fetishes fetish psychology fetish fashion Domme style bikini bdsm theater bdsm costume bdsm

 

Some types of fetishwear are very emotionally satisfying too. Stockings are another great example of this. They look fantastic, seducing the observer and making the wearer feel confident, sexy & powerful. Or alternately vulnerable, exposed & humiliated, depending on the context. Either response can lead to an intensely erotic experience for the wearer.

The Sexual Power of Fetishwear

Many specific fetish fashion garments have sexually powerful connotations. These symbolic associations can greatly enhance the dynamics of a bdsm scene. A military uniform conveys a message of authority, a fur coat implies luxurious, elegant superiority. A frilly, silly maid’s uniform transforms an ordinary soul into a sex object. In a way bdsm is like theater and the right fetishwear costuming can really make a scene.

The power of the fetish itself can also be a tool for domination too. When I know that a submissive has a particular clothing fetish it’s easy for me to manipulate him with it. Say I know he has a flip-flop fetish. I can deliberately wear flip flops when we got out to get him excited. And even more deliberately cross my legs and ‘thwack’ the shoe against my bare sole whenever I sit down. He’ll be putty in my hands.

I have a background in theatre as well as fashion design. So perhaps I have an especially keen appreciation of the power & pleasures of fetishwear. But in my experience nearly every kinkster has strong sexual feelings for at least one article or type of clothing. So in that sense it’s a universal fetish. What’s your fashion fetish?

 

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Random Bullshit Silk Domme  uniform textileophile stockings sissy maid silk fetish silk sensual domination satin panties maid's uniform luxury kink gloves fur flip flops fetishwear fetishes fetish psychology fetish fashion Domme style bikini bdsm theater bdsm costume bdsm

 

Come play dress up with me! 

12 steps to the perfect pedicure

Giving a decent pedicure is a very useful skill for a slave to have. I know I love it when a footslave can do a good job tending to my fine bbw feet! And learning how to give one is a great thing you can do to train yourself to be a better slave. You can start with this kind of training before you ever meet the dream foot Goddess you want to give yourself to. I call this anticipatory training.

First clean & prepare the feet

1. Start by removing old nail polish. Use an orange stick or qtip to remove all the polish from crevices. I’m very fussy about this; I hate having eg dark red scraps left on my nails when I want to paint them pale silver.

2. Soak the feet in a foot bath for 5-10 minutes. Add scented bath salts or similar for an even more pleasurable & relaxing soak.

3. Thoroughly clean the feet using a brush, loofah, or an exfoliating skin scrub. I prefer the skin scrubs as they leave my sexy soles so nice and soft and sweet smelling. Probably sweet tasting too, lol! You can buy very nice skin scrubs and you can also easily make them yourself; there are a ton of good recipes on the internet.

4. Clean under the nails and gently push down the cuticles. Trim away any dead skin around the nails & cuticles. Be very careful not to cut too much, Mistress doesn’t like getting nicked! Soaking helps to soften the skin and makes this task much easier. Special tools (nippers, files, orange sticks etc) exist to make this job easier too.

5. Smooth the heels & soles with a pumice stone (or similar tool) if needed. My pretty bbw feet need to be regularly tended to or else I’ll develop icky calluses from running around barefoot here in Florida.

6. Clean & trim the nails and file smooth. Buff the nail surface if it’s rough or cloudy.

 

BBW Foot Fetish BDSM Education Femdom Life Realtime Play  slave training service real pedicure lifestyle foot worship foot goddess foot fetish fetishes femdom bbw feet anticipatory training

 

Getting to the fun part

7. Slather on lotion & massage it in. Perhaps my favorite part, I LOVE getting foot rubs!

8. Swipe nails with polish remover to remove lotion oils which can prevent the polish from adhering properly to the nail. Then apply one coat of clear base polish.

You always want to use base coat on the toenails because otherwise the polish will stain the nails, leaving them an ugly yellow color. This is especially true with the dark colors I like to wear.

9. Apply 2 thin, even coats of color polish. For best results don’t glop it on and do wait until each coat is thoroughly dry before applying next coat.

10. Add stickers, rhinestones, decals or other decorations. You can stick decorative things on to the nails with clear polish or (better) nail glue.

11. Finish with one coat of clear gloss top coat. If you’ve used chunkier pieces of nail art use a thicker “gelous” top coat; this will help seal in the art & make sure it stays affixed firmly to the nails. You can also apply multiple layers of top coat to make your nail art really secure.

12. While you are waiting for polish to dry you should be massaging Mistress’s hands with lotion unless she has instructed you to do something else!

 

BBW Foot Fetish BDSM Education Femdom Life Realtime Play  slave training service real pedicure lifestyle foot worship foot goddess foot fetish fetishes femdom bbw feet anticipatory training

 

And that’s all there is to it – 12 steps to the perfect pedicure. Get good at this and you’ll have a much better chance of pleasing my pretty bbw feet! And to help you give the best possible pedicure (and beat out any other footslaves who might be competing for access to Goddess’s gorgeous bbw feet) I’m even going to share a few bonus pro tips:

  • For the base coat you can choose a polish that brightens, strengthens, etc to help improve nail health & appearance.
  • Just replace polish that’s gone gloopy. The old wives’ trick of adding a few drops of polish remover to thin it out really doesn’t give very good results.
  • However you CAN clean out your polish brush with acetone every once in a while to help keep it (and the rest of the polish in the bottle) from getting gloopy & hard to work with.
  • Keep a qtip soaked in polish remover handy while painting the nails to quickly wipe off any smudges.
  • For an extra pampering finish you can rub scented moisturizing oil into the cuticles. This feels deliciously indulgent. Plus it helps to soothe any damage done while filing/buffing/trimming.

 

Do you have any great foot care tips? Tell me about them in the comments! And if you’ve got a hankering to see more of my bewitching bbw feet then head on over to my foot fetish page now.  ;D

 

Self-training for BDSM Slaves

Odds are you’re fantasized about what it would be like to be ‘owned’. Maybe you even hope to make that fantasy a reality one day. But what is there about you which might make a truly superior woman want to own you? What kinds of talents, skills & resources do you have that would make you a worthy investment of her time & attention? One way to prepare for ownership is by training yourself in ways that will hopefully prepare you to be a better slave even before you find your dream domme. I like to call this sort of activity ‘anticipatory training’.

What is anticipatory training?

Anticipatory training includes everything you might do on your own to prepare and make yourself a better catch for your prospective future domme. There are a lot of possibilities for how you can spend your time & energy. Just like you would put some planning into any other big project it will pay for you to put some thought into this.

There’s no reason why you can’t have a slave training program mapped out for yourself, and every reason why you should. Gaining skills that might please your future Mistress is enough of a win all by itself. But there are other benefits to anticipatory training too. For one thing, if you put some thought into your slave training program you can tailor what you learn to the sort of domme you hope to have. For instance, if you have a huge foot fetish it could be very useful to learn to give professional-quality pedicures. Skills like that will help to attract the foot Goddess you’re hoping to find.

 

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service self training owned male chastity lifestyle learning femdom enslavement discipline D/s collar chastity bdsm education bdsm anticipatory training

 

Another VERY important benefit of anticipatory training is that it gets you in the habit of learning things. Regardless of what you already know your dream domme will want you to learn to do things HER way. Practicing the habit of self-discipline will prepare you to be disciplined about reaching whatever goals she may set for you.

Training yourself to be a better slave

So what are some things you might do as anticipatory training?  To start with you can learn useful skills. As I mentioned above, exactly which skills you learn might be tailored to the kind of domme you hope to attract. But many skills – such as cooking, sewing, home repairs, giving manicures & pedicures – would be appreciated by most women. You can learn lots of things by just searching for tutorials online. But you can also take things to a whole new level and really set yourself apart by taking professional level courses.

You can also educate yourself on a more general level. Read a new book every week.  Start watching documentaries. Get to know the history of where you live, or become an expert in local highlights so that when she visits your town you can be the perfect guide. Learn about art, music, architecture so you’ll have things to talk about with the cultured & sophisticated woman you long to kneel to. Learning such things will make you more attractive to a truly superior woman. Plus they’ll keep your life full and rich while you’re waiting to meet her.

 

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service self training owned male chastity lifestyle learning femdom enslavement discipline D/s collar chastity bdsm education bdsm anticipatory training

 

One final area that you can train yourself in anticipation of being owned is simply by taking care of yourself. Many leaders in the BDSM community will say that the first rule for any slave is “protect the property”. Among other things this means that your responsibility when you’re not owned is to take the best possible care of yourself. Take care of yourself so that when you accept her collar you are surrendering to her a well-cared for piece of valuable property and not a busted up piece of junk.

Taking care of yourself in this context obviously covers diet and exercise but also so much more. It means taking care of your health: get those regular physicals and teeth cleanings and address any problems that might turn up. It includes your grooming. Beyond the basics of showering, shaving, and brushing your teeth you can do SO much: taking care of your skin & nails (wear sunscreen!), keep your hair nicely styled, wear good cologne. You might try doing some ‘manscaping’ and getting your back, chest, or other bits waxed. And you certainly should make sure your wardrobe is decent. Banish all the old, stained, and torn things from your closet and try for some style when replacing them. Consider hiring a woman stylist to help you; what better way to know what might appeal to other women?

How NOT to train yourself

There are a few things that you absolutely should NOT consider as anticipatory training. By all means you can do these things if you like. Just don’t fall into the mistake of thinking of them as services or skills that will in any way set you apart from other subguys. Using any kind of sex toys falls into this category. Again, it’s ok to play but recognize that it is for YOU, not for any future mistress. I’ve yet to meet the domme who thinks “able to take a huge butt plug” is a good selling point for a slave! The one possible exception to this is wearing a chastity device. Finding a well-fitting device and getting accustomed to wearing it can be a lengthy process. There are many dommes who would be happy to find you already “broken in” this way.

One last thing you should never think of as anticipatory training is going out and buying tons of bdsm gear or sexy clothes. (I’m talking to you, sissy!) Most dominant women won’t care what you have in your toy chest; they’ll enjoy picking out the things they want for you. If you’re devoting a lot of resources to buying things you want while being stingy with her she’s likely to be offended. And you could ruin your own chances with her.

 

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service self training owned male chastity lifestyle learning femdom enslavement discipline D/s collar chastity bdsm education bdsm anticipatory training

 

Are you hoping to be owned one day? Let’s talk about how you can improve yourself & become a better catch!

Discipline in a Femdom lifestyle

What is discipline? Is it the same thing as punishment? Is it the same thing as structure? And how do I, as a responsible dominant, create an effective system of discipline?

Discipline and Leadership

Much has been said about the importance of discipline. But what is discipline exactly? Is it the same thing as structure, or as punishment? To me being a domme is about more than being bossy & abusive. Being an elite dominatrix means actually being a good leader, and that requires an understanding of the meaning & importance of discipline.

Discipline in this context has several facets. Discipline for me as the dominant is the applied force of my will in making sure my rules and orders are followed. Subguys, like pretty much all humans, need to be led. They need to have rules to follow and instructions for how to live. And it is my task, as his Goddess, his guide, and his leader to ensure that there are rules to follow, and that those rules are enforced somehow. Nobody is perfect; I do make mistakes and sometimes I too need down time from being the boss. But if I regularly fail to provide either structure or enforcement then my submissive, like an undisciplined child, will not grow in a positive direction. Nor will his behavior reflect well on me.

 

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service punishment protocols paradox lifestyle leadership femdom ethics enslavement Domme style discipline D/s bdsm

 

So what’s the difference between discipline, structure, and punishment? I would say that structure and punishment are each part of discipline. Structure is the underlying system of rules and protocols which I, as the dominant, decide upon. Structure is the goals I set and the orders I give for how to reach those goals. And punishment – or enforcement – is the unpleasant consequences which will ensue if my commands are violated.

Discipline and Obedience

From the sub’s perspective discipline is self-discipline, the commitment he makes to obey my commands and his actions in following through. If this discipline equation is not balanced – if I’m putting more effort into creating & enforcing structure than he is into following it – then the Mistress/slave relationship will fall apart. And this is true whether our association is limited to a few hours of pay-for-play or whether you become my collared 24/7 submissive.

The topic of punishment deserves a whole post of its own.  But it should be clear that actual punishments – the negative consequences of violating my commands – are not supposed to be pleasurable.  Not even in that paradoxical “this hurts now but I am so gonna masturbate to it later!” way we work with in bdsm. I like to choose punishments that both fit the crime & put him in his place. Which doesn’t necessarily mean giving a spanking. I’m quite well aware that things like spankings might ultimately be more of a reward than a deterrent!

That said, I find that there is a place for what some have called “funishment”. In other words activities such as regular spankings, time spent in a cage, or being made to do housework in a maid’s uniform. Things that might be punishments in fantasy, but which are ultimately rewards and not deterrents. These things will certainly push his erotic buttons and keep him in the proper submissive headspace,. As a good leader I want to motivate my minions to give the best possible service. So I like to include these funishments as a regular part of my slave contracts.  Keeping him in that submissive headspace motivates him to do a much better job of serving me!

Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service punishment protocols paradox lifestyle leadership femdom ethics enslavement Domme style discipline D/s bdsm

Are you in need of structure and discipline? Maybe even of punishment? That can be arranged!

Beyond Silk: Satin & Stockings & Furs, Oh My

When it comes to fetish fashion my main love is silk. But I’m really a textileophile, which simply means that I get enormous sensual pleasure from all kinds of fabrics. This fetish for fabrics, and especially luxury fabrics, plays into my style as a femme dom (the silk domme!) a lot.

Fetish Fabrics, Fetish Fashion

I’ve been into fabrics and fashion since I was quite young. I learned to sew as a girl and where my friends wanted to be ballerinas, rock stars & supermodels, I wanted to be a fashion designer. I’ve always been fascinated by the dizzying variety of fibers, textures and prints at my fingertips in the fabric store. I have to admit though that some fabrics do tend to be more…stimulating…than others.

Leather & latex are the textiles that immediately come to mind when people think of fetish fashion. Other textiles that lots of people have fetishes for include my beloved silk as well as satin, taffeta and fur. It may not be the first thing that pops up when you think “fetishwear” but it’s easy to see how common textile fetishes are in the kink scene.

 

Femdom Life Random Bullshit Silk Domme  wetlook stockings silk fetish silk satin my fetish luxury gloves fur fishnets fetishwear fetishes femme fatale Domme style

 

Fetish Fabric Favorites

Satin, one of the perennial favorites among fetishwear enthusiasts, is not a fabric but a weave. In other words satin can be made from nearly any fiber, including spandex, synthetic fibers, and of course that epitome of luxurious indulgence, silk. The defining characteristic of satin is how it’s slippery smooth & shiny on the front, with a dull back. That sexy shine is probably the #1 thing fetishists love about satin. Fetish fashion clothing made from satin also tends to be stiffer, more voluminous & tailored, and it makes a soft rustling when the wearer moves. Which is definitely part of the thrill!

The exceptions are stretch satin (made with spandex) and bias-cut satin. The former is fantastic for gloves.  I have a collection of opera length stretch satin gloves in a rainbow of colors and I consider them a truly essential part of my dominatrix wardrobe. Stretch satin is also fabulous for panties. The more lightweight varieties of satin are very often seen in robes, nightgowns and other bits of flowy feminine lingerie. The fabric has such a lovely sensual drape that it’s easy to see why people love it; satin is truly iconic in fetish fashion.

Wetlook fetish is much less common than a lust for satin but I have to throw in a word for the excellence of satin blouses, dresses and gowns for wetlook play. If you love the feel of satin it’s mind-blowingly better when wet.

Femme Fatale Fashion

Another very commonly fetishized sort of clothing in the bdsm world is fur. Fur is an integral part of one of the oldest, most powerful femdom archetypes. It‘s Venus in Furs, remember? Real fur exudes wealth & opulence. It’s hugely sensually potent – there’s a reason why those handcuffs are furry, and that paddle is backed with mink! Nowadays wearing real fur also gives a definite bad-girl vibe. Wearing real fur always makes me feel like I’m channeling my inner Cruella DeVille.  *mwahaha*

I don’t know if there’s a name for the fabric that stockings and pantyhose are made of. (Do you know? Please do tell me in the comments!) But it’s such an extremely common – and powerful – clothing fetish it deserves a mention. Seeing my curvy legs in sexy stockings is enough to bring most vanilla guys to their knees. Imagine how they melt the minds of subguys! Knowing my legs have that effect on men makes me feel pretty damn powerful too.

 

Femdom Life Random Bullshit Silk Domme  wetlook stockings silk fetish silk satin my fetish luxury gloves fur fishnets fetishwear fetishes femme fatale Domme style

 

Fishnet used to be just a simple diamond-shaped pattern used in tights and stockings. But the variety of patterns have massively increased in recent years. And I’m seeing these mesh-type fabrics in more and more types of garments nowadays too. I myself have a pink fishnet top that I love to put on sissies and a sexy black fishnet minidress that looks amazing on my curves, along with a collection of fishnet patterned pantyhose. Fishnet is really nice because in addition to how freaking awesome it looks & feels, it’s much, much sturdier than other hosiery fabrics.

There are lots of other fabrics that people fetishize (spandex, denim, vinyl/pvc…) and I’m not going to talk about them all here. But I do want to throw in a last word for feathers. Mostly seen as trimmings on hats, coats & dresses, feathers are rarely used as fetish fashion all by themselves. With one exception: the classic feather boa. Which is suggestive of so many things: nostalgia for a more elegant past, the subversive sexuality  of flamboyant femmes like Mae West, the cheeky playfulness of a burlesque dancer. The feather boas in my wardrobe are not merely clothing items; they’re toys, used to flirt, to seduce, to tease. The epitome of fetish fashion.

 

Femdom Life Random Bullshit Silk Domme  wetlook stockings silk fetish silk satin my fetish luxury gloves fur fishnets fetishwear fetishes femme fatale Domme style

 

Do you have a fashion fetish? Let’s play dress-up!