The Fabric of My Sexuality

Note from Goddess Opal – this is my first ever guest post on this blog, and I’m very happy to welcome my fellow silk fetishist Andy Warren (@SilkenAssassin on Twitter) to describe his evolution into a textile-o-phile with a preference for silk! And kleenex tissues, but that’s a story for another time…   ;D

A silk dom’s journey

I’d like to point out to all of you that at the time of writing this, I’m a heterosexual dominant man. Yet I had to get here, to this place, to this…. ‘ME’ somehow. The ‘how’ is a long, exciting, and very sensual story, filled with trial and error and some bizarre behaviours for a ‘Top’. However I began this journey very much from a rather submissively innocent eye.

Like it or not, our infantile and juvenile years are the moments when we absorb everything. Regardless of our external behaviour we as children absorbed everything. We saw things that our eyes were entranced by, be that colour, movement or expressive maternal stimuli. We touched things that we didn’t like that evoked memories that we take with us today: like nails on a chalkboard or squeezing tin foil. We felt things that gave us feedback back to our skin, our flesh that sent waves of pleasure through us without connecting it not to sexual activity but those of comfort, gentleness. We were growing and learning, feeling, touching, experiencing, as all children will whether we like it or now. And as adults, when we learn that mutual pleasure between us and our partners makes the world go round,  we also realise that we ourselves are the masters of our pleasure. Then we tend to rely on what we learned as children.

From the mundane to the sublime

When we become sexually active we leave behind the innocence of childhood. Yet some of what we take with us into our sex lives are made up of things that our peers have brought to our eyes, ears, and flesh. We never enjoyed having our hair pulled as kids yet we do now, because our relationship with pain and touch changed as we grew and firmed up. The punishment of being spanked when we’ve been bad brought with it the guilt of having done something wrong and the admittance of that was often painful enough. We cried tears of woe and soreness. Now we cry for very different reasons.

Fetish grows from past traumas again faced as children. What was once a feeling of guilt, sorrow or hardship, even abuse, can, in adult years define how we live and enjoy sex. Or on the flipside it can be utilised at our own control instead of it controlling us. But fetish is always what it is: the contextualization of something that can be so normal or commonplace that provides pleasure to us when in others it remains something so mundane. There are strange fetishes, there are very gross and outlandish fetishes. But the very first and now most important to me, was that of silk.

BDSM Education Guest Posts Silk Domme  slips silk scarves silk fetish silk dom silk bondage silk sensual sensation play scent satin luxury lingerie guest posts fetish psychology class breastfeeding breast worship

Introduction to silk sensuality

My exposure to silk began when I was 5 years old, some 30 years ago. Back then I used to crawl into the marital bedroom, delve into Mum’s drawers, and dig around for her 80’s style white silk satin petticoats.

Silk is undeniably the most precious feeling and lavish of fabrics; its sheen and delicate nature calls to all of us. It denotes class, taste, decadence, and the desire to look at our best. If we can dress in silk, we’re asking, subliminally to others, to touch us, feel what I feel. The sensation of silk upon human skin is just something that tops the sensual hierarchy. Its smell is very clean too, fresh and you can almost smell the smoothness. But then saying that, there are men and women who would rate the feel of rubber, PVC or leather at the pinnacle of material and the responses they get from its contact with their skin is out of this world. And to those I say “You Rock!!”

So…. I digress. These satin slips, I used to put them on, across my infantile legs, my arms, my face and buttocks, and just lay on the carpet and relishing on the fabric. I was very young and I’d never experienced such a phenomenal material. It clearly had an impact on me. It was heavenly to feel, the smell was beyond compare, so clean and unique. I derived a great amount of comfort and security from it. And it seemed to naturally raise me to a level of… beyond enjoyment. Again, I was 5 years old so it was nothing sexual, because at 5 years old age we have no comprehension of that. And thank God we don’t.

BDSM Education Guest Posts Silk Domme  slips silk scarves silk fetish silk dom silk bondage silk sensual sensation play scent satin luxury lingerie guest posts fetish psychology class breastfeeding breast worship

But I wasn’t just enjoying it. I felt like this stuff was just different to everything else I was touching. Eventually I got caught and I stopped doing it. Now you may be thinking to yourself right now “He’s a latent crossdresser!!!” But no. I am very comfortable in my identity as a man, my sexuality as heterosexual and my sexual identity, which is why I am writing this now. There’s no harm in how or why I felt what I felt or did what I did. I don’t wear women’s clothes now nor do I ever wish to..besides this one time (at bandcamp) an ex girlfriend of mine wagered me to wear her underwear to work one day. And I did. I didn’t derive any pleasure from it besides being man enough to go through with it and see the look on her face after I sent her photos (Yeah I’m all kinds of wrong, me).

Maturing needs & desires

After being caught touching her silky clothes I think my Mum thought that it was due to me not getting enough comfort from her as a Mother. I was also never breastfed as a baby, something I’m wonderfully glad for. Now I see breastfeeding as both the nurturing and essential part of a child’s growth and bond with their mother but also as a sexual, sensual, erotic and emotional process, and doubly glad I don’t and cannot view this as something my Mum did for me. Other Mothers however, should breastfeed their children if they choose to. There is nothing at all remotely wrong or disgusting about it, be that in public or privately. Maybe my Mum didn’t give me the comfort and security I feel a baby needs but I’ve never held it against her, to be honest, I’m thankful. The reasons I was deprived of this I need not know and I’m glad I don’t, but it didn’t stop me from seeking out the comfort and nurturing elements of life for myself.

As a side-note to it’s importance: the eroticism I find in breastfeeding now, while I’ve not been exposed to it actively, I feel from the viewpoint of someone who needs comfort and intimacy. Being held by an older woman to her breast, slowly stimulating her as well as myself, is a constant fantasy of mine. I do have a lactation fetish completely aside from my fetish for silk but it’s all linked to my childhood and my relationship with what I was exposed to during these years.

I think it’s why I adore older women so much. Is that wrong? No, but it is a fantasy I have that’s come from something deprived from me as a child. Memories or lack thereof give way to fantasies and fetishes and only makes us ‘different’ from each other. We all have these little quirks and errors with our lives, our childhood or teenage years, that may one day lead to a major part of our sexuality.

BDSM Education Guest Posts Silk Domme  slips silk scarves silk fetish silk dom silk bondage silk sensual sensation play scent satin luxury lingerie guest posts fetish psychology class breastfeeding breast worship

Anyway, I digress. 2 years later, when I was 7, I had to perform in a school dance. I really cannot recall what the play or theme was. But there was a dance that a number of girls and boys had to do in front of parents and I was in this group. (Don’t worry, I dance a lot better now.) We were tasked with having our mothers buy a white silk scarf for us to wave around for the purpose of the dance. I still cannot recall why though. Now my Mum bought the silk scarf and on the day of the dance I had a stomach bug and couldn’t go in to school. So there I was, relieved, saved rescued by illness from an effeminate performance of silken prancing.

A silk collector is born

Yet there I was, with this white silk scarf that was useless now…. or was it? Hee hee. I would take it from MY drawer this time and hold it over my face, nose and mouth. The feel and smell, was intense and I knew I shouldn’t be doing it. I felt guilty and naughty…. yet good, really really good. I would do this most nights of the week.

I just really wish I could still find that white soft silk scarf today. My very first.

This has buried itself in my mind until I was 15. All the silk scarves my Mum had accumulated over the 80s were left in a box in the spare room. When the house was empty I would steal away into the room, lay out all the 10 or so silk scarves, strip naked and just lie in them, allowing them to touch my skin. I wouldn’t masturbate; it was hardly a sexual thing for me then. Yet the sensations were mindblowing. I would just caress my body with them. It’d be cold, fresh yet very stimulating and that old smell returned. I grew up with it and clearly have not abandoned it. Now with more than 300 silk scarves making up my personal collection, nor do I predict it ever doing so.

BDSM Education Guest Posts Silk Domme  slips silk scarves silk fetish silk dom silk bondage silk sensual sensation play scent satin luxury lingerie guest posts fetish psychology class breastfeeding breast worship

Andy “Silken Assassin” Warren has some very interesting perspectives on all sorts of textiles. Including his fascination with – of all things – Kleenex tissues! Go follow him on Twitter and Facebook for more sensual writing and silk fetish pics.

How many fucks do I give?

When you come to me seeking a position as my submissive keep one thing in mind: I don’t give a fuck about your prowess in bed. Why? For one thing, as a Mistress & slave owner I’m not in this just for the orgasms. And for another thing, I already know you’d suck at providing them.

I’m not in this for the orgasms

Orgasms are great. I love orgasms. I like to have lots and lots of orgasms. And I’m very happy to use my submissive male slaves in any number of ways to help me have lots of fantastic orgasms. However no orgasm can compare with the thrill of a POWER RUSH. I love the feeling of getting my way, of being in command, or exerting my will even when it makes you uncomfortable, humiliated, embarrassed etc. and that’s the thrill I’m after.

For me, an integral part of this power rush is getting paid for it. You most likely do genuine, real-world work to get that money. And I can use it to improve my life in genuine, real-world ways that last so much longer than the glow of any orgasm. For me, that makes both of our roles in the power exchange much more potent. I love the kinky sexual things we do together but without tributes & gifts it feels to me like you want me to be a ‘bdsm booty call’. And I am absolutely not anyone’s booty call!

Is it possible for me to be satisfied with service that doesn’t involve money? Sure. But you’ll have to put forth a lot of effort in doing genuinely useful work for me. Quite possibly more effort than you put in at your vanilla day job. And in my experience when submissive men talk about “serving” they usually have, for instance, eating my pussy in mind. Now do I look to you like the kind of woman who faces any shortage of offers for pussy eating? Of course not. That’s not service to ME; that’s service to your own dick. And once again not at all what I’m about as a dominant woman.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Slave Openings  tribute subguys slave training sexual service service real power rush orgasms my fetish money lifestyle findom financial domination femdom sex femdom elite Domme style D/s class bdsm


Besides, I know you’d suck at giving them

This isn’t a specific criticism of you personally. (Unless it applies!) But like most women, turning me on involves more than just flipping a switch. My body is a complicated, high-maintenance piece of machinery that must be handled with an expert touch – and no man will have that expertise on his first visit to my boudoir! Any man (or woman for that matter) would take training to be an exceptional lover to me. This is true no matter how much any of your past paramours may have raved about you. Indeed, in my experience some of the absolute worst lovers are the ones who think they’re experts. They have the hardest time opening their ears and minds to what I tell them about how to please me!

Even if you’re not naturally clumsy & stupid in the sack (and a woeful number of men are) you still need training to make my motor purr. So I am completely uninterested in – and unimpressed by – your claims of sexual prowess.

Yeah this goes for dick pics too – if I want to see your junk I’ll ask for it!

If you ever want to kneel to me, have kinky play time with me, or indeed get my attention at all you must first prove yourself useful. You need to demonstrate that you’ll bring more to my life than the transient thrill of a few orgasms. I won’t settle for anything less.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Slave Openings  tribute subguys slave training sexual service service real power rush orgasms my fetish money lifestyle findom financial domination femdom sex femdom elite Domme style D/s class bdsm


GO HERE NOW to learn about some of the ways you might be useful to me.

Silk Panty Domination

Ah, silky panties. One of the most commonly fetishized articles of feminine clothing. I’ve spoken here already about the power of silky panties in melting the mind of a submissive male when HE wears them. Today I’d like to talk about the power of silk & satin knickers when I wear them. I love panty domination and it’s a big part of my style as The Silk Domme.

Silk & satin panties look fabulous

One of the things that makes ladies panties so delightful is how they look. They’re the perfect packaging for a curvy backside, especially when when you have a great ass! The shine of satiny fabrics catch the eye and lead it along the curves that lie beneath. And whether they’re briefs, bikinis, or thongs silky panties are usually designed to beautifully frame the buttocks. They look so good that loads of men have a fetish for just seeing a woman’s panties. And I think all heterosexual guys, even the ones without a full-on panty fetish, like seeing them at least a little. So panty domination is something that works to control most men, including “vanilla” ones.


BDSM Education Femdom Life Realtime Play Silk Domme  thong panties subguys smells slave training sissy maid silk fetish silk sensual sadist sensual domination satin panties luxury humiliatrix humiliation fullback panties fetishes femdom Domme style D/s cuckold bondage bdsm


Dominating the senses with panties

Wearing silk panties feels amazing. They make me feel pampered, spoiled & utterly hedonistic. They’re that little secret luxury which I might choose to share with a very special (and very lucky) someone, but which is mainly there for me alone. Silky satin fabrics, so soft & slippery, are delightful to feel on the delicate flesh they cover.

The way they capture & transmit my smell is also intoxicating. Seriously, I smell much better in silk or satin panties than in ordinary cotton. And scent is such a powerful trigger of emotion; it’s like a direct line to the arousal centers of the brain. In my view smell is too often ignored as a vital part of any bdsm scene.


BDSM Education Femdom Life Realtime Play Silk Domme  thong panties subguys smells slave training sissy maid silk fetish silk sensual sadist sensual domination satin panties luxury humiliatrix humiliation fullback panties fetishes femdom Domme style D/s cuckold bondage bdsm


Dominating the mind with panties

Panties are also very versatile to use in bdsm play; ‘panty domination’ can mean a lot of things. I can use my silky panties to tie his hands, or stuff them in his mouth and use tape or a scarf to make a panty-gag. I can use them to tie his hands together – great for impulsive scenes when I’m out & about with a slave! And naturally I can make him wear them too. Which is such a rich source of submissive triggers that it deserves its own post.

I can even just simply drape them over his face during any other kind of play to add another dimension completely to a scene. This is a perfect way to transmit that delicious smell I was talking about. Plus it’s terribly humiliating in an intensely sensual way.

Other things I might do with panties include making him clean them, either by hand washing or even sucking my juices (or my lover’s cum) out of them. If I make him suck them of course they won’t get completely clean. But he’ll be so deeply humiliated it can be worth it just for the fun of it. And if he hand-washes them I get to enjoy the win-win of getting my delicates properly taken care of while keeping him firmly in his place. (Plus very likely aroused to boot.) Saves me effort in both directions! And if he doesn’t do a good job I can always beat him. There’s just so many reasons to love panty domination. *evilgrin*

Come explore panty domination with me!


Where the porn gets made

I’ve been absent online for the past week or so because I’ve been super busy working on something big. Really big. Seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how big this is for me. I’ve been hard at work building myself a new femdom porn studio!

My struggle & an executive decision

For the past few years I’ve been really struggling as a content creator. Struggling because I had no space of my own to work in. Every time I wanted to make a femdom porn video I had to wait until the middle of the night, rearrange my entire living room, set up backdrops…basically exhaust myself preparing the space before I’d even put my makeup on. And because that space was shared there was no leaving things set up for a few days. I’d have to break down, repack, and reorganize everything in the morning as soon as I was done filming.

It’s entirely predictable under such circumstances that my output would dwindle. And it has. Which is a situation I’ve been pretty damned unhappy with. Well a couple of weeks ago I got fed up. I made the executive decision to appropriate an entire room in my house to be my office & studio space.

My femdom porn studio space

The room I’m using as my new studio was a small porch once upon a time. It had become a sort of rec room, used a lot by other members of my household. But mainly it’d been collecting unused furniture, craft supplies, and random clutter for years. To reclaim it for my purposes I literally had to reorganize the entire rest of my house. I cleaned out almost every closet, bookshelf & cupboard we have and wound up getting rid of a ton of stuff. It’s funny how heavily all this had been weighing on me. According to the scale I haven’t lost a pound but I feel so much lighter now.

It’s still small, but this room is all mine. Now I can go in at any time of the day or night, shut the door, and do whatever I like: film videos, make audio recordings, take calls, do online domination camshows – all the things I’d been missing. I’m giddy thinking of all the possibilities!

A Silk Domme’s studio

There’s a lot of work still to be done. The space has been neglected for a long time so it needs a thorough deep cleaning. And naturally I’m painting and decorating it to suit my style. In the end I’ll have a dedicated space for filming with no need to break everything down afterward. And I’ll have a nice private office where I can edit my smutty pics & vids without fretting about who might be looking over my shoulder. Not to mention being able to take calls & get on cam during the daylight hours!

As I make progress in building my femdom porn studio I’ll be posting little behind-the-scenes video clips on Facebook. Come follow me and share in my evil glee!   ;D


Femdom Life Fetish Porn Online Domination Random Bullshit Silk Domme  tribute service opportunity service real porn my studio making porn lifestyle femdom Evil Opal Domme style DIY Domme DIY
My feet are so dirty after all this work. Come lick them clean for Me!


p.s. Now’s a great time to send a tribute & help make my new space awesome

How I got into silk

I’ve been in love with silk for as long as I can remember. I can recall being a young girl, going to the shopping mall and thrusting my bare arms into the racks of silk blouses just so I could revel in the delicious feeling. Silk has a very distinctive feel against the skin. It’s warm yet cool, slippery but with just a hint of friction or drag on the skin that makes it cling so seductively. Silk is really the perfect fabric for lingerie. And naturally my budding kinky interests included a fascination with lingerie. Then as a young woman I found a man who loved seeing me in pretty underthings and was happy to buy them for me. I was hooked. Hooked on the feeling of the silky lingerie itself as well as on the feelings of pampering and power of having him gifting the lingerie to me. My silk fetish had truly taken hold.

Silk fetish evolution

My silk fetish continued evolving after that. As a perpetually horny young milf I tried selling my panties for extra spending money. I discovered I had a strong exhibitionistic streak; I loved making videos and taking pictures! It gave me an opportunity to apply my creativity using some of the things I loved, including fashion and costume.

Shortly after I started selling my panties I met my first sissy. Which opened my eyes to a whole world of kinky possibilities in the bdsm scene. I had nothing against the macho black-leather-and-chains aesthetic of ‘traditional’ bdsm fetishwear. It just wasn’t my style. But it wasn’t until I met that first fairyboy that I realized I could use my love for silk so much as a dominatrix. And I guess that’s when I really became The Silk Domme.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Silk Domme  sissy silk bondage silk sensual domination satin my fetish luxury lifestyle fetishes Domme style bondage bdsm


The Original Silk Domme

Way back when I realized I wanted to be a dominatrix I set myself to learning core bdsm skills. Even if it’s not entirely my ‘thing’ I thought it would be handy to have, for instance, a basic familiarity with rope bondage. It was during this early learning period that I attended FetishCon for the first time and took Bond Dave’s class in silk scarf & sari bondage.

I like to think I’ve evolved a lot since then. I’ve learned how to integrate my silk fetish into every aspect of my kinky play. I even discovered that I love getting wet in silk, lol! Nowadays I continue adding to my collection of lovely silks, and using them as The Silk Domme to give my submissives a truly unique bdsm experience.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy Silk Domme  sissy silk bondage silk sensual domination satin my fetish luxury lifestyle fetishes Domme style bondage bdsm


Do you have a fetish for silk? Have you ever thought about trying silk bondage? Tell me all about it!


Public Foot Worship

Ordering a slave to worship my feet in a public place can be an exercise in exposure & humiliation. But that’s not what this essay is about. Today I want to talk about some of my favorite ways of sneaking subtle foot worship into ordinary public outings. You love my feet? You think my feet should be worshiped every day? Well here’s a few ideas about how we can make that a reality!

Everyday public foot worship

There are loads of ways to incorporate public foot worship into daily activities. Bending down to ‘help me fix my shoe’ is one of the best. You can help me tie a sneaker, adjust a sandal strap, slip on a pump. Mmm, how exciting would it be watching my pretty plump toes slide inside a sexy pump from so close up that you could smell it? And if we’re in public I probably wouldn’t kick you in the balls immediately afterward, lol!


BBW Foot Fetish BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play


You might sneak in a kiss when you’re fixing my shoe. But an even better way of getting your face close to my feet is by giving me a foot rub. And there are so many places where that kind of public foot worship is completely unremarkable. At the beach for instance: imagine having one foot wiggling in your lap while the other is held in your hands, stroking and stroking my soft meaty soles. Throw in a worshipful kiss or two and you’ll merely be seen as a besotted lover rather than the foot fetish pervert we both know you are.

You can also take advantage of quick moments of privacy. Say we’re headed up to the next level of that department store or art gallery. You could quickly kneel for a moment of public foot worship when the elevator doors close. Or in a restaurant, we can choose a table in the back where I might slide my feet into your lap, allowing you to stroke and massage them (and them to stroke, trample & tease you) throughout our meal.


BBW Foot Fetish BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play

Shoe shopping: the ideal cover

Shoe shopping alone offers a huge wealth of public foot worship opportunities. Watching my feet slide in over and over again as you help me try on shoe after shoe. Kneeling before me in worshipful submission to my sexy feet. Helping me choose the most beautiful and flattering styles of footwear. Socks, stockings & pantyhose too; you might help me pick out hosiery designed to melt the mind of other foot fetish guys like you. You can render the most useful service of paying for my selections, and then bask in my happy delight as I enjoy my new shoes.

Shoe shopping might really be the perfect excuse for public foot worship. And it’s such a win-win for you! Because not only do you get to have fun while we’re out shopping, you’re also laying the groundwork for future foot worship opportunities. Buy me the stunning designer shoes I want and I’m a million times more likely to have happy feelings about spending time with you in the future.

Want to take me shoe shopping – or just tell me about your foot fetish fantasies? Visit this page to find out how you can schedule foot worship time with me.

Another View of Hard Limits

You’re probably familiar with the idea of hard limits as those lines you’re not willing to cross, activities you absolutely don’t want to do in a bdsm power exchange. But have you ever thought about hard limits including things you must have in your Mistress/slave relationship?

Hard limits as must-haves

Let’s face it, you wouldn’t be into this kinky stuff if you didn’t have fantasies and desires. And it’s very likely you have one or two fetishes you’d find it extremely tough to live without. It’s absolutely ok to consider those things when you’re looking for your dream Domme. It’s also ok to bring those things up when you’re negotiating a slave contract or slave training program with your Mistress.

Say there’s a certain fetish or type of play that’s deeply necessary to your sexual or emotional satisfaction. It’s not only ok but vital that you find a Domme who is happy to incorporate those things into your Mistress/slave relationship. Some common examples of these might be things like crossdressing or toilet training. If those things are a BIG DEAL for you then would you really ever be happy with a Domme who was turned off by them?


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service real lifestyle hard limits fetishes femdom ethics enslavement D/s contracts bdsm


Mistress/slave relationship protocols

There are other, less obvious aspects of a Mistress/slave relationship which can also be very important. Level of contact is a good example; how often do you desire (or expect) to have contact with your Domme? Are you hoping for daily chats, or are play sessions once a month sufficient for you? Different expectations regarding level of contact is a very common source of dissatisfaction and conflict between Dommes & subs.

Likewise you may each desire a different level of protocol. If you’re the type of slave that longs for high protocol you will feel unsatisfied with a low protocol owner. A more egalitarian-minded sub might chafe miserably under high protocol demands. And unless you’ve given it some thought you might not even be aware of which kind of sub you are. It’s ok not to know! But that too should be communicated with your Domme, so she can understand what to expect from you. Which in this case would be your need/desire to experiment with different levels of protocol to figure out what works for you.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Realtime Play  slave training service real lifestyle hard limits fetishes femdom ethics enslavement D/s contracts bdsm


Practical needs in D/s

Another great example of ‘hard limit’ must haves in a Mistress/slave relationship is aftercare. And this includes aftercare for both physical and emotional aspects of a bdsm scene. You might need words of reassurance after the heavy humiliation scene you crave just as much as you would need your wounds tended after heavy physical play.

Last but certainly not least there are any number of practical ‘vanilla’ needs which might be a good idea to include in any slave training program or bdsm slave contract. Health needs for instance – are you diabetic? It’s entirely sensible to require that you be allowed to eat properly & regularly, and to make sure you take your insulin. Other material needs should be considered as well. For instance I require that my slaves make a financial contribution to me as part of their servitude. This is one of my personal ‘must-have’ hard limits. But I also require that he budget enough to pay for his own bills, including health insurance, retirement savings etc. Debt and bankruptcy may be fun to fantasize about but what good is a broke(n) tool that I can’t use any more? I prefer to take proper care of my tools so that they’ll be usable for a lifetime!

Are there any things you must have to be satisfied with your Mistress/slave relationship? Let’s talk about them!

Online vs Offline Femdom

So far in most of my posts about bdsm slave training I’ve been talking about my slave training programs for in-the-flesh servants. But there are definite – and very important – distinctions to be made when we’re engaged in a D/s power exchange relationship online, via phone, etc. I wouldn’t say that an online Mistress/slave relationship is less valid or meaningful than one which happens in the flesh. But there are significant differences which should be taken into account.

You get what you give, online or off

One thing that remains the same whether you’re playing in the flesh or have an online Mistress/slave relationship with me is this truth: the more you put into it the more you’ll get out of it. The emotional thrill can be equally powerful, the feelings of weakness and submission just as deep. You can lose yourself in subspace just as much with online female domination as you can in person. Maybe even more – the nature of online bdsm encourages longer, more drawn-out play that seeps into & takes over your entire life. Whereas in-the-flesh submission often evaporates the minute your dungeon scene is over.

The depth of connection in online D/s can be just as profound and lasting too. It is certainly possible to have a 24/7 power exchange, complete and total ownership, in an online Mistress/slave relationship. It only requires self-discipline. The sub has to be able to follow through on his Mistress’s commands when she’s not in the same room. And frankly, self-discipline is a huge requirement for bdsm slaves anyway. In the long run you must choose to obey; this is consensual slavery after all!


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Online Domination Realtime Play  subspace SSC slave training service real RACK phone domination online domination lifestyle findom financial domination fetish porn fetish fantasy femdom sexting femdom ethics enslavement Domme style D/s contracts bdsm safety bdsm


Physical domination vs mental domination

It’s easier for a lot of men to get into submissive headspace when the experience is fully immersive, engaging all the senses. And that can take more mental effort on the online Domme’s part. She can’t just reach out and smack you with her crop when you stray. She has to get creative & put more forethought into exactly how she can ‘touch’ you.

I think this is the main reason why traditional bdsm activities such as bondage & spanking are less prevalent in online D/s play. Those sorts of activities are much more practical to do in the flesh, and arguably more satisfying. But there are many things which can be done with cyber domination that simply aren’t possible in the flesh. For instance, say I wanted to play an alien queen with a dozen tentacles writhing at her crotch about to ravish you. This scene would be a lot easier to do convincingly in a phone session than in person!

Porn fantasy isn’t SSC

It can be tempting to go all out in this direction and order the slave to do things which can’t be done with reasonable safety. And you’ll often see such scenarios in femdom porn clips (including mine). I don’t know about other ladies but I have zero expectations of any subguy actually following my orders from a video clip. I know he’s probably just going to jerk off to the idea and not follow through. Assuming he’s paid me for it I’m ok with that awareness. (One reason why tributes & gifts are even more important online!) So I’m not too concerned with making sure my orders fit into the realm of “safe, sane & consensual” when it comes to porn clips etc.


BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Online Domination Realtime Play  subspace SSC slave training service real RACK phone domination online domination lifestyle findom financial domination fetish porn fetish fantasy femdom sexting femdom ethics enslavement Domme style D/s contracts bdsm safety bdsm


Now if I put in the time/effort to pay special attention to you things are different. If I give you individual orders, create a slave training program or even write a bdsm slave contract for you then you damn well better follow through. I won’t hesitate to toss you to the curb if you don’t! And in those cases safety is just as important as it is in person. Possibly more so: I’m not in the room, able to directly gauge your physical state and intervene if necessary. Therefore it becomes crucial for me to be precise in my instructions (and for you to be precise in following them!) to make sure you’re not seriously injured.

Meeting people & finding community

Put very simplistically you could say that in-the-flesh Femdom is more about dominating the body while an online Mistress/slave relationship is more about dominating the mind. The potential for wicked fun exists in both. And either can fulfill your need to serve (and my need to be served). There are a few other significant differences though. For one thing you’ll probably find much more in the way of community support offline. The folks you meet in your online bdsm group are waaaay less likely to, for instance, come to your aid if a fire burns down your dungeon & you have to start over. Not saying online folks would never be supportive like that, it’s just a lot less likely.

On the other hand an online Mistress/slave relationship can be much more practical and attainable for many people. Say you’re married or have other responsibilities that demand a lot of your time & attention; online D/s might be the perfect outlet for your submissive urges. And text or phone domination can work beautifully for those who have physical limitations such as arthritis, back problems, or other disabling conditions.

Online and in-the-flesh domination each have their own advantages, and their own disadvantages. But they also share many similarities. Personally, what I like best is to use a combination of both. For instance I might have a sub in a city far away who is my online slave most of the time, but who gets to serve me in person when I’m visiting his town. Do you have any thoughts on the differences between in-the-flesh and online Mistress/slave relationship? Tell me in the comments below!

BDSM Education Femdom Life My Philosophy My Protocols Online Domination Realtime Play  subspace SSC slave training service real RACK phone domination online domination lifestyle findom financial domination fetish porn fetish fantasy femdom sexting femdom ethics enslavement Domme style D/s contracts bdsm safety bdsm
Visit My sessions page to explore your options for becoming My slave, online or off


Slave Opening: Errand Boy

This position is exactly what it sounds like: you will run errands for me. Errands will include things like taking my shoes or jewelry to be repaired, dropping off/picking up dry cleaning, running to the post office, and other small tasks. Many of these tasks will require you to pay for minor (under $50) expenses.


As my errand boy you are required to be reliable & trustworthy. You will of course need reliable transportation too. And your schedule needs to be flexible enough that you can complete the tasks I give you within about a week. I'll not be asking you to take care of anything urgent but I don't want to wait too long for my commands to be executed.

I say errand 'boy' because I feel that Femdom/malesub dynamics are underrepresented in the bdsm canon. But submissives of all genders are welcome to apply for this position!


How often I command you to run errands for me is open to negotiation. Two or three times a month is what I have in mind. Budgetary limits will also be included in our negotiated agreement (which may or may not be written as a slave contract).

Since this is an in-person position I'm primarily looking for an errand boy in my hometown of St. Petersburg, Florida. However I do love to travel, and can often use the services of a good minion in the cities I visit. If you don't live near me but you'd still like to serve as my errand boy you may ask to be added to my travel announcements list.


The joy of serving will be a significant reward for you. You'll have the deep fulfillment that comes from pleasing your Mistress and helping her live the lifestyle she deserves.

But since I realize you horny bitches will beg to know: yes there'll be rewards of a more sensual nature too. I have rather a kink for bdsm slave training, and I'm pretty good at it. By which I mean the art of making ordinary chores erotically exciting for the male submissive. This could mean something as simple as ordering you to wear panties or a butt plug while you're serving. Or it could involve activities that are even more deviously debasing. So yes, I always strive to add that something extra, transforming these errands from ordinary chores into erotic exercises in submission.

There may also be dedicated private play time if you're really good and serve me exceptionally well.  *evilgrin*


Femdom Life My Protocols Realtime Play Slave Openings  travel slave training service opportunity service real Miami Mistress Florida Domme findom financial domination femdom enslavement contracts bdsm

Apply to be My errand boy


Silk fetish scarf care & storage

Compared to latex, leather, or even rope silk scarves are very easy care fetish gear. They do need to be washed often; when used in bdsm play silk fetish scarves tend to be worn in places (and used in ways) that get them quite dirty. And for goodness sake if you have pretty silk scarves you certainly should use them! Objects which are so beautiful & sensually delightful deserve to be experienced.


BDSM Education Femdom Life Random Bullshit Realtime Play Silk Domme  travel silk fetish silk bondage silk sex toys satin my fetish luxury kinky travel fetishes class bdsm gear bdsm


Washing & drying silk fetish scarves

Silk scarves should be washed by hand in lukewarm water using baby shampoo, Woolite, or other detergent formulated for delicate fabrics. They can be put in the washing machine on delicate. But odds are pretty high of the fabric getting snagged so I wouldn’t recommend it. If you decide to go that route a mesh lingerie bag will help minimize the risk of damage to your beautiful silk fetish scarves.

Swishing the scarf around in the soapy water for a few seconds should be enough to clean it. Then make sure you thoroughly rinse the scarf out in cool water. Next you can hang the scarf to dry in a well-ventilated area. Or you can roll it up in a towel to gently press excess water out of it. Don’t wring-dry your delicate silk scarves! When the scarf is dry (or nearly dry) finish by ironing right up to the rolled edge of the scarf (aka the roulette).

Storing scarves

High quality designer scarves can be stored folded in their original boxes, but why waste such beauty? Scarf display frames can be found or made to showcase them like any other artwork. Special scarf hangers are handy for keeping scarves organized & accessible, which helps if you like to actually wear them. (Or use them in the dungeon…) Larger scarves and saris can also be folded & stored on pants hangers. Stored on hangers like this scarves also make a lovely display in the closet or dressing room.


BDSM Education Femdom Life Random Bullshit Realtime Play Silk Domme  travel silk fetish silk bondage silk sex toys satin my fetish luxury kinky travel fetishes class bdsm gear bdsm


Traveling with silk fetish scarves

Silk scarves are so lightweight and compact that they’re just about ideal for travel, both as fashion accessories and as bdsm gear. They take up very little space but it’s still good to keep them together. This will help you find the scarf you want when you want it, and also protect them from getting snagged on other things in your luggage.

You can keep a collection of scarves in a smaller bag, like a lingerie bag, inside your suitcase. Longer scarves can be laid out together and tied together in a simple thumb knot. For shorter scarves you can either choose one and tie it around the rest of the bunch, or gather them all into a bundle with the sturdiest (or cheapest) scarf on the outside tied into a bag.

Final thoughts: kinky scarf play

For many people seeing whips, ropes, or chains hung on the dungeon wall is a huge turn-on. Just imagine what racks full of scarves would look like! An opulent den of iniquity, waiting to lure you into the realm of perverse pleasures. For a silk fetishist like me this would be heaven.

As pretty (and sometimes valuable!) as they are you may be reluctant to ever do anything which might damage your silk scarves. But if you’re using them for bondage it’s still a good idea to keep bandage scissors nearby. In the event of an emergency your sub is more valuable than any scarf.

Got any scarf care tips? Share them in comments below!