So far in most of my posts about bdsm slave training I’ve been talking about my slave training programs for in-the-flesh servants. But there are definite – and very important – distinctions to be made when we’re engaged in a D/s power exchange relationship online, via phone, etc. I wouldn’t say that an online Mistress/slave relationship is less valid or meaningful than one which happens in the flesh. But there are significant differences which should be taken into account.
You get what you give, online or off
One thing that remains the same whether you’re playing in the flesh or have an online Mistress/slave relationship with me is this truth: the more you put into it the more you’ll get out of it. The emotional thrill can be equally powerful, the feelings of weakness and submission just as deep. You can lose yourself in subspace just as much with online female domination as you can in person. Maybe even more – the nature of online bdsm encourages longer, more drawn-out play that seeps into & takes over your entire life. Whereas in-the-flesh submission often evaporates the minute your dungeon scene is over.
The depth of connection in online D/s can be just as profound and lasting too. It is certainly possible to have a 24/7 power exchange, complete and total ownership, in an online Mistress/slave relationship. It only requires self-discipline. The sub has to be able to follow through on his Mistress’s commands when she’s not in the same room. And frankly, self-discipline is a huge requirement for bdsm slaves anyway. In the long run you must choose to obey; this is consensual slavery after all!
Physical domination vs mental domination
It’s easier for a lot of men to get into submissive headspace when the experience is fully immersive, engaging all the senses. And that can take more mental effort on the online Domme’s part. She can’t just reach out and smack you with her crop when you stray. She has to get creative & put more forethought into exactly how she can ‘touch’ you.
I think this is the main reason why traditional bdsm activities such as bondage & spanking are less prevalent in online D/s play. Those sorts of activities are much more practical to do in the flesh, and arguably more satisfying. But there are many things which can be done with cyber domination that simply aren’t possible in the flesh. For instance, say I wanted to play an alien queen with a dozen tentacles writhing at her crotch about to ravish you. This scene would be a lot easier to do convincingly in a phone session than in person!
Porn fantasy isn’t SSC
It can be tempting to go all out in this direction and order the slave to do things which can’t be done with reasonable safety. And you’ll often see such scenarios in femdom porn clips (including mine). I don’t know about other ladies but I have zero expectations of any subguy actually following my orders from a video clip. I know he’s probably just going to jerk off to the idea and not follow through. Assuming he’s paid me for it I’m ok with that awareness. (One reason why tributes & gifts are even more important online!) So I’m not too concerned with making sure my orders fit into the realm of “safe, sane & consensual” when it comes to porn clips etc.
Now if I put in the time/effort to pay special attention to you things are different. If I give you individual orders, create a slave training program or even write a bdsm slave contract for you then you damn well better follow through. I won’t hesitate to toss you to the curb if you don’t! And in those cases safety is just as important as it is in person. Possibly more so: I’m not in the room, able to directly gauge your physical state and intervene if necessary. Therefore it becomes crucial for me to be precise in my instructions (and for you to be precise in following them!) to make sure you’re not seriously injured.
Meeting people & finding community
Put very simplistically you could say that in-the-flesh Femdom is more about dominating the body while an online Mistress/slave relationship is more about dominating the mind. The potential for wicked fun exists in both. And either can fulfill your need to serve (and my need to be served). There are a few other significant differences though. For one thing you’ll probably find much more in the way of community support offline. The folks you meet in your online bdsm group are waaaay less likely to, for instance, come to your aid if a fire burns down your dungeon & you have to start over. Not saying online folks would never be supportive like that, it’s just a lot less likely.
On the other hand an online Mistress/slave relationship can be much more practical and attainable for many people. Say you’re married or have other responsibilities that demand a lot of your time & attention; online D/s might be the perfect outlet for your submissive urges. And text or phone domination can work beautifully for those who have physical limitations such as arthritis, back problems, or other disabling conditions.
Online and in-the-flesh domination each have their own advantages, and their own disadvantages. But they also share many similarities. Personally, what I like best is to use a combination of both. For instance I might have a sub in a city far away who is my online slave most of the time, but who gets to serve me in person when I’m visiting his town. Do you have any thoughts on the differences between in-the-flesh and online Mistress/slave relationship? Tell me in the comments below!
Visit My sessions page to explore your options for becoming My slave, online or off